In a startling twist that has left both environmentalists and ghost hunters scratching their heads, eco-ghosts have been accused of reducing the widely dreaded Pacific Garbage Patch, transforming it into a Bermuda Triangle for plastic waste.
Local fishermen first raised the alarm when, instead of the familiar bobbing plastic bottles, plastic ducks, and questionably edible takeout containers decorating the ocean’s surface, they found only pristine blue waters staring back at them. Sea Captains, who’ve spent years mastering the art of navigating their vessels through tightly knit trash, reported near-heart attacks upon barely recognizing the underwater landscape. “I swear, it was like the entire sea had its teeth cleaned,” said Captain Salty Johnson, waving his old sea binoculars for emphasis.
Theories about how the garbage could have simply vanished began surfacing almost as fast as the plastic used to. Marine biologists initially attributed the phenomenon to ocean currents, optimistic fish, or even a marine mafia ensuring that no one else could conglomerate the ocean’s premium debris. However, these theories were put to rest when local ghost enthusiast and part-time séance conductor, Madame Misty Waves, alleged that eco-friendly spirits were to blame.
Madame Waves described the specters as “Ghastly Green”, and claimed they were sipping ectoplasmic espresso while complaining about climate change at a recent apparition appreciation meeting. “They even suggested convincing IKEA to open a store in the Pacific Patch area but opted to handle it themselves when they saw the delivery fees,” she confessed.
Critics, or rather skeptics, argue that Madame Waves’ ghostly intervention theory lacks scientific backing, prompting an experimental investigation. Equipped with an electromagnetic field detector and a freshly minted Ph.D. in Haunted Plasticology, Dr. Casper Geist explained the techniques used to track these so-called eco-ghosts. According to Dr. Geist, like any eco-conscious entity, the specters have pivoted towards sustainable haunting, scaring away the garbage in waves—pun intended.
In response to these allegations, the United Nations Environmental Programme announced the formation of a “Paranormal Plastic Action Force” (PPAF) due to the ghostly impact on previously dire oceanic pollution reports. A spokesperson commented, “We planned for pollution, but we did not plan for poltergeists with a conscience.”
It remains unclear how long these eco-friendly phantoms will continue their environmental duty or if they’re vying for a Nobel Peace Prize reserved for the supernatural. Meanwhile, environmental agencies are cautiously optimistic, offering these ghosts honorary recycling plaques and free solar-powered Ouija Boards.
Only time will tell if humankind’s newest eco-allies will stick around or vanish, much like the floating refuse that once covered swathes of the Pacific. Until then, sailors are advised to carry ghost-repellent in the form of biographies of famous climate change deniers, just in case the specters turn out to be slightly more mischievous and unionized.