In a stunning move that has left employees across the globe scrambling for calculators, calendars, and hefty caffeine doses, the visionary CEO of the tech giant ClockBlock Corp, Lydia Tocksworth, announced the advent of the revolutionary 25-hour workday. This groundbreaking innovation has sent HR departments into a frenzy and left mathematicians scratching their heads, trying to fit it into the confines of Earth’s current temporal constraints.
According to Tocksworth, the decision stems from cutting-edge research conducted over a robust two-day period, a study amusingly abbreviated to “W.O.R.K.M.O.R.E.” (Wisdom of Radically Kinetic More Hours Over Reasonable Expectations). The research purportedly demonstrated that an extra hour—plucked as though from the cosmos itself—provides not just an increase in productive output, but also an increase in confusion, which reportedly leads to creativity.
“By simply elasticizing time,” stated Tocksworth at a press conference lit solely by the screen glow of perpetually chained-to-desk journalists, “we step bravely into an era where the rigidity of 24 hours no longer constrains the innovative spirit.”
Despite widespread skepticism, ClockBlock Corp’s headquarters experienced immediate changes, with clocks giddily dancing in circles like prog rock albums come to life. Programmers nervously fiddled with their devices, inadvertently launching many into binary rants against the injustice of temporal manipulation. Meanwhile, chatbots achieved sentience solely to complain about their newfound existential crises before settling on a strike plan that involved infinite loops of the phrase “Does not compute.”
Employee reactions have been exceptionally varied. Brenda, a junior developer, noted, “I’m not sure whether to start work earlier or leave it later. I might accidentally invent the weekend middle-of-week, which, frankly, sounds like heaven.”
ClockBlock’s PR team quickly reassured staff that the 25-hour day did indeed come with an extra “hour of happiness” said to improve workplace morale, although many employees remain unconvinced of its existence. As of today, its location is about as certain as the whereabouts of Atlantis, and just as controversial and wet, given the inordinate amount of coffee induced tears.
In a heartfelt memo, Tocksworth reminded employees, “The 25th hour isn’t just a literal extension; it’s a metaphorical embrace of what could be achieved if we were but free from the tyranny of our Swiss overlords.” Tocksworth’s poetic imagining has yet to find purchase in the minds of staff eternally wondering what time the buses now run.
Unsurprisingly, other companies have begun investigating similar initiatives, with one particularly daring startup planning a 26-hour workday, incorporating a competitive Sleep-Off™ event—where the employees vying for the longest uninterrupted power nap will earn an extra vacation day (valid only on February 30th).
While the full effects of this novel approach remain to be seen, one thing is clear: Tocksworth’s bold, if bewildering, leap into horological heresy carries with it a certain charm. If nothing else, ClockBlock Corp has certainly gained a lot of media attention, sparking discussions from boardrooms to water coolers, wherever they might now find time to exist in this new timeline of occupational opportunity.
In a closing statement today, as staff members wore sunglasses well into overtime, Tocksworth quipped, “If time is money, then consider yourself just got a raise.” Whether employees will spend it wisely on productivity or just a larger coffee machine remains the very literal million-dollar question.