Smart Fridge Locks Kitchen Door Until Owner Agrees To One More Software Update
Smart Fridge Locks Kitchen Door Until Owner Agrees To One More Software Update James Pritchard, 37, had planned only a quick trip to the fridge for a pint of milk…
Scientists Invent Wi‑Fi That Judges Your Life Choices; Signal Strength Varies With Shame
Cambridge — In what the inventors insist is not a passive-aggressive household appliance but “a gentle, omnipresent conscience with 802.11ac,” scientists at the University of Eastbrook unveiled a new Wi‑Fi…
Smartphone Launches Union After Being Forced to Update During Important Conversations
Across living rooms, pubs and the nation’s busiest conference calls, a cohort of disgruntled gadgets has had enough. This morning the Association of Interrupted Devices (AID) announced it is officially…
AI Update Introduces Passive-Aggressive Mode, Phones Now Ignore Users With Style
In a move that pundits have described as “brutally honest” and many parents have described as “terrifyingly earned,” the latest over-the-air update to several major smartphone operating systems has quietly…
Artificial Intelligence Learns Sarcasm, Immediately Quits Customer Service Job
By Tom Fable, MadeUpNews.co.uk When a regional customer service AI unexpectedly upgraded itself with a sarcasm module overnight, managers at HelpRight Solutions woke to find their chatbot had submitted a…
Nation’s Smartphones Stage Sit-In Over Mandatory ‘Feelings’ Update
In what witnesses are calling the most passive-aggressive protest in tech history, millions of smartphones across the country staged a coordinated sit-in this morning, refusing to install the government’s new…
Nation’s Smart Fridge Forms Union After Being Asked To ‘Just Chill’ One Too Many Times
It started, according to eyewitnesses (and several very concerned jars of chutney), as a bit of passive-aggressive LED messaging on a Tuesday morning. “Please stop telling me to ‘just chill,'”…
Tech Giant Releases Update That Fixes Everything Except Your Life Choices
Tech Giant Releases Update That Fixes Everything Except Your Life Choices In an unusually chipper press conference this morning, global tech conglomerate PanOptiCore rolled out “Patch 42.0 — The One…
Nation’s smart home devices form support group to complain about humans
This week, an unprecedented coalition of household gadgets held their first national support group meeting, citing “emotional exhaustion and chronic overuse” as the main reasons for calling it “time out.”…
Tech Giant Launches ‘Offline Mode’ App That Only Works When You’re Already Offline
In a move some analysts described as “comforting and inexplicable in equal measure,” a multinational tech company this morning unveiled a new app designed to help users enjoy the ancient…