In a groundbreaking move that has left both scientists and office workers scratching their heads, eccentric billionaire Harold Thumblebee has allegedly invented a new time zone that bypasses Mondays entirely. This development has caused an uproar akin to discovering the earth is actually flat—except only Thumblebee seems to be benefiting.
The concept, dubbed “Thumbletime” by its creator, is designed to begin the week at precisely 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday. Monday now functions as an elusive, mythical entity that other people might bemoan, but which Harold has sworn off entirely. To the billionaire, Sunday now transitions immediately into “Whensday,” which somehow manages to excuse poor spelling and starts right after Sunday brunch.
Thumblebee, who made his fortune by selling wildly impractical items to other billionaires, like gold-plated jet skis and diamond-encrusted sandwich holders, explains his rationale with the clarity only the super-rich can muster: “Time is a construct. And so is money. As it turns out, if you have enough of the latter, you can make the former disappear! Also, a little headache from the Champagne fountain.”
The startling announcement came during a press conference held at his mansion’s infinity pool, which notably features water sourced from “nearly infinite” exclusive mountain springs. Guests, who were already straddling the line between astonishment and bemusement due to an all-you-can-eat caviar station, reported that Harold appeared on a hoverboard wearing what can only be described as a quantum onesie.
However, adjusting to Thumbletime has created some unexpected challenges. For example, his synchronized robotic butler, Geoffrey, is now perpetually confused, serving breakfast for dinner and bedtime stories at lunch. “Yesterday, or maybe tomorrow—honestly, who knows what day it was—I poured tomato soup into his coffee mug,” admits Geoffrey in a deeply apologetic tone.
Additionally, Thumblebee’s executive team reports that board meetings have evolved into peculiar events, featuring sessions where discussing past sales figures is deemed as futuristic strategy planning. One executive, who wished to remain anonymous, confided, “We just hold hands in a circle and chant, hoping for enlightenment and maybe a coherent budget by Thursday. Or is it Friday?”
Meanwhile, productivity apps everywhere are having a collective meltdown trying to decipher what happened to their Monday alarms. “It’s like Harold just turned into his own time lord,” stated a perplexed software programmer working on “TimeyWimey,” the leading calendar app. “Our algorithm simply decided to go on vacation.”
Despite these complications, Thumblebee remains unbothered and remarkably zen about his innovation. “Next, I am thinking of introducing a time zone that only includes weekends,” he hinted provocatively, moments before climbing into his hammock—enthusiastically dubbed “Tuesdayward!”
Until the rest of the world catches up, or evolves to thrive without Monday mania, Thumbletime is likely to remain as exclusive as his invite-only unicorn garden party. For the rest of us, who still live by the constraints of regular time zones, Mondays will continue to be… well, Mondays. But knowing Harold, he’ll probably come up with an even wackier invention soon. Perhaps a currency form that’s just good vibes? Only time—Thumbletime, that is—will tell.