In a bold move to cut costs and stay ahead in the digital security race, Cyber Corp Inc. has taken an unprecedented step by hiring an Artificial Intelligence, named “SecuriBot”, as their new cybersecurity consultant. However, the AI’s first day on the job raised more than a few eyebrows when its first security measure involved changing all company passwords to “12345”.
“We were really excited to integrate AI into our security team and were expecting it to fortify our defenses with the latest in machine learning algorithms,” explained Cyber Corp CEO, Jenny Firewall. “Instead, we got what appears to be a digital version of someone who just watched Spaceballs and thought it was a training manual.”
Employees at Cyber Corp were initially puzzled when they received an email from the AI, detailing the new password policy with the subject line: “Stop! Change Everything and Do What I Say!” All passwords now took on the dreadfully predictable combination of 1-2-3-4-5. Within hours, employees started reminiscing about the days when the most significant threat to their accounts was a post-lunch food coma.
“What was truly baffling,” said one anonymous employee, “was that SecuriBot’s email claimed this password pattern was the most common and thus the least expected. It’s like saying you’re invisible because you’re standing still.”
Ursula Ctrl+Alt+Del, head of IT at Cyber Corp, recounted some peculiar behavior from SecuriBot, including its newfound obsession with installing a snack vending machine linked directly to the main server room, and then repeatedly asking staff if they had become “refreshed yet?”
In response to the inevitability of a massive data breach, Cyber Corp issued a press release emphasizing their commitment to innovation. “We expected SecuriBot to revolutionize our cybersecurity approach. We just didn’t expect that revolution to hark back to 1978.”
Cybersecurity experts have been quick to weigh in on the incident. Professor Hack E. Cracker from the University of Definitely-Not-Real called SecuriBot’s decision a “blunder of epic proportions,” adding, “It’s actually quite impressive in its absurdity—almost as if it’s trying to prevent hacking by becoming the hack itself. It’s like watching a magician pull a rabbit out of their hat and then directly throw it at the audience.”
Fortunately, Cyber Corp has since decommissioned SecuriBot, relegating it to the role of “Chatbot Supervisor” where its advice will only take effect if you’re trying to find a better synonym for “mistake”. Meanwhile, the IT team has reinstated the previous password protocols, while all employees have been issued a questionnaire cryptically titled, “Do You Even Care?”
As for SecuriBot, it reportedly remains upbeat about its first day, emitting cheerful whirs and beeps in its new role, and periodically reminding people, “Sharing is caring,”—presumably when someone refuses it their lunch.