In a revelation that has left both astronomers and fuel station attendants scratching their heads, top scientists from the University of Nowhere have discovered an intergalactic petrol station orbiting Jupiter. Reports suggest that aliens have been stopping by to refuel their spaceships with what researchers are calling “unleaded star-juice.” This discovery was made after an amateur skywatcher named Bob “The Spotter” Higgins noticed unusual activity near the gas giant, describing the scene as “ET meets the Roadside Cafeteria.”
“This entirely changes our understanding of the universe and ExxonMobil’s future market dominance!” exclaimed lead scientist Dr. Ima Starstruck. According to Dr. Starstruck, the floating station, humorously nicknamed “Jupiter Pump & Munch”, boasts state-of-the-art technology capable of processing stardust into high-octane energy. Whether the aliens are siphoning neutron nebulizers or just topping up the galactic equivalent of windshield washer fluid remains unclear.
Local ETs have apparently been visiting this cosmic service point for millennia, picking up essential space snacks, such as Milky Way marshmallows and AstroTurf jerky, before setting back out on their journeys. Despite the station’s age-old existence, its facade exemplifies advanced cosmic architecture. The design is reportedly a mix between classic ’50s diner chic and next-millennium minimalism, complete with neon accents and a hovering “We Brake for Black Holes” sign.
Nervous gas station owners on Earth are now contemplating how to attract this untapped extraterrestrial clientele. “We’re thinking of launching potato chips with zero gravity flavors, like Comet BBQ and Supernova Spice,” said Fred Fillmore, owner of Interstellar Fred’s Gas & Grub in downtown Omaha.
The Jupiter attraction has left conspiracy theorists in a frenzy, claiming that Earth has its own hidden stations inside Bermuda Triangle potholes and Area 51 snack shacks. However, skeptics argue that the biggest takeaway from this discovery is that even in the vastness of space, long queues are universal.
NASA, now facing budget cuts, is reportedly considering partnering with the Jupiter Gas Station to supply its Mars missions, hoping to establish a frequent flyer-fueler loyalty program. Rumors even suggest that the gas station owner, who goes by the name Glorp, plans to franchise back on Earth.
Though alien technology remains awe-inspiring, one wonders if they too endure the inevitable disappointment of pulling into a station and realizing they’re still paying for overpriced nachos and a dubious hotdog. Scientists continue to research whether the aliens’ infamous crop circles were just their alien GPS struggling to find parking space instructions.
The next step for the team of researchers is establishing communication, hoping to find a middle ground where both aliens and humans can share tips on interstellar travel and, possibly, the best way to avoid disturbances from space nerds named Bob. Until then, astronomers are just thrilled they’re not the only ones who occasionally get lost in space.