In a press conference that was meant to unveil advancements in space farming, NASA accidentally triggered a meltdown of cosmic proportions. A wayward PowerPoint slide revealed what countless cheese enthusiasts have been hoping for decades: the Moon is, in fact, a massive celestial wheel of cheese.
As gasps filled the room, a stunned NASA scientist—Dr. Brie Camembert—attempted to backtrack, claiming that the “slide was meant for an internal team-building event.” According to Dr. Camembert, the title “Lunar Cheese: Melting the Boundaries of Dairy and Space” was just “a workplace metaphor meant to inspire young interns.” But the damage was already done.
Unsurprisingly, conspiracy theorists sprang into action faster than a block of cheddar hitting a hot skillet. Theories melted into the digital ether quicker than anyone could say “Lactose intolerant aliens.” Believers now suspect that the cheese Moon is what maintains gravitational pull and not whatever science has been claiming up until now. They’ve even posited that the Earth’s tides are influenced by the Moon’s fluctuating ripeness.
Fueling these conspiracies is the announcement from the European Space Agency (ESA) of joint missions now dubbed the “Rind Saviors,” aimed at surface collection and taste analysis. When pressed for more concrete details, ESA’s spokesperson stated, “Our plan is to develop commercial cheese-tasting space missions for the dairy connoisseur who wants to boldly go where no palate has gone before.”
Social media is alight with millions pointing fingers at the dairy industry, blaming them for being part of a Big Cheese cover-up. The Lactose League, an underground internet group devoted to cheesy vendettas, claims this revelation proves their long-held belief that the Moon Landings were just elaborate marketing campaigns for cheese spreads.
Meanwhile, sales of all varieties of cheese skyrocketed as citizens prepared for a potential ceasefire in the universe’s age-old “cheese or chunk of rock” debate. Lunar-themed platters sold out within hours, signaling that greasy butterboards might soon be replaced with celestial camemberts.
To calm public uproar, NASA issued a second statement affirming that the Moon remains devoid of dairy and predominantly rock. However, they failed to dispel audience skepticism when their concluding slide accidentally played a clip from Wallace and Gromit’s “A Grand Day Out” as evidence of human-cheese collaboration.
In this surreal cosmic dairy drama, only one truth remains consistent: whether the Moon is Gouda or gouda’nt be proved still hangs in the air like a lovely stringy mozzarella. Until sure answers are provided, expect the spiral of gouda-nspiracy theories to continue.