In a recent groundbreaking conference that took place entirely on Zoom, scientists, engineers, and self-proclaimed futurists have come together to share their latest predictions about the future of transportation. The hot topic that captured everyone’s attention was the much-anticipated arrival of flying cars. According to these forward-thinkers, flying cars will, indeed, become a reality much sooner than imagined; however, they will disappointingly remain stuck in traffic jams until at least 2050.
The primary obstacle, experts claim, isn’t the challenge of developing the technology itself or even safely navigating the skies, but rather a newly highlighted phenomenon they are now calling “Skygridlock.” Coined by Dr. Amelia Headintheclouds, a leading aerospace psychologist, Skygridlock is expected to ground flying cars to a halt even when there are no roads.
“It’s a psychological issue more than a technological one,” Dr. Headintheclouds explained. “Humans have an innate ability to create traffic jams in any environment. The sky, as it turns out, is no different.”
According to her research, our tendency to follow each other, even at different altitudes, will lead to a scenario where flying cars flock together like confused geese, circling around aimlessly as they wait for an imaginary birdie signal to clear the airways.
“The irony is delicious,” says Max Speedwell, a retired Test Dummy cum motivational speaker. “What we’re seeing here is the evolution of traffic jams. First, we have them on the ground, and now we’re just taking them to the skies. We’ve reached new heights in bottlenecking.”
Further complicating matters is the issue of sky signs and billboards. Proponents of increased advertising in aerial spaces are lobbying for priority “flight lanes,” while environmentalists argue that giant floating adverts reading “Got Skyspace?” could potentially disrupt migratory patterns of hipsters with drones.
The lack of a Universal Skyway Code adds to the chaos, with most countries drafting wildly different laws. In some regions, honking breaks sonic skies, while others encourage polite blinker flashing with dazzling laser signals, which have, unfortunately, resulted in numerous incidents of accidental landings from the temporary blinding of unlikely Feathered Pilots.
Yet, hope remains for the vertically dream-driven masses. Rumor has it that by 2075, advancements in teleportation technology might just provide a real way to dodge the atmospheric congestion. Imagine the possibility—instant travel from your sofa to your work desk without ever having to glance wistfully out the window at idle airborne vehicles yawning in disbelief.
For now, ground commuters can enjoy the schadenfreude of knowing that it doesn’t matter how high you aim to soar; in the end, it seems humanity is destined to be grounded by the universal truth of traffic jams. As the 9-to-5 crowd likes to say, “Another day, another delay!”