In a move that has sent shockwaves through the time-space continuum, gamers around the globe have launched an unprecedented campaign demanding that scientists immediately extend the Earth’s rotation time. The reason? To squeeze in more side quests, of course.
Tired of choosing between a full night’s sleep and collecting 400 magical turnips for a particularly needy NPC, gamers have united under the slogan: “24 Hours Is Not Leveled Up Enough!” With over 10 million digital signatures on Change.org, the petition is now the fastest growing movement in online activism, right behind “Bring Back the Old Coffee Recipe at Starbucks.”
Rex “QuestMaster9000” Johnson, spokesperson for the newly formed League of Leisure Literalists, addressed the virtual crowd via an epic live stream from his basement, conveniently located in his mother’s house. “We, the gaming community, deserve justice,” he preached, while effortlessly raiding an ancient dungeon in the background. “The universe must acknowledge our need to explore every nook and cranny of virtual realities. You can’t slap a ‘Do Not Enter’ sign on unexplored taverns!”
Scientists, meanwhile, have been left scratching their heads in disbelief. Dr. Linda Timetwist, leading astrophysicist at the Institute of Uninterrupted Time, chuckled as she explained, “Increasing Earth’s rotational period isn’t exactly as easy as downloading a patch. Not to mention, some side effects may include catastrophic planetary instability and slightly irregular mealtimes.” Despite these warnings, gamers remain undeterred.
In a bold move of solidarity, the obviously out-of-touch International Bureau of Standards held an emergency meeting to consider introducing “Game Time Zones” — an alternate universe where a single day lasts precisely 30 hours. A proposal to extend this reality across alternate dimensions is still awaiting approval from the overlords at the patented Multiverse Licensing Corporation.
Critics of the movement argue that the solution already exists. “Just pause the game and walk away,” one non-gamer suggested, eliciting collective gasps and fainting spells from serious players. The proposal was immediately ridiculed and dismissed as “barbaric” and “potentially in violation of human rights.”
Meanwhile, game developers, sensing an opportunity, are crafting even more elaborate side quests, confident in the knowledge that gamers will find a way. “Why collect a mere 400 rare gemstones when you can hunt for 4,000?” chuckled one developer diabolically. “Plus, we’ll throw in an extra mini-boss battle as a token of understanding.”
While the likelihood of elongating the Earth’s day remains slim, the gaming community continues to hold rallies across various virtual realms, where speakers inspire crowds wielding dual-wield controllers and capes fashioned from blankets. They remain steadfast in their pursuit of endless adventures, hoping they’ll soon level up reality itself.
And until that day comes, gamers everywhere will begrudgingly accept the reality of sunrises — especially when that sunrise catches them still unraveling the mystery of the ancient elven shoes.