In a world where innovation reigns supreme, and unicorns are as common as cats in an internet meme, a maverick CEO has emerged from the shadows of obscurity to offer what may just be the most meta business venture to date. Phil Ideasworth, a self-proclaimed “entrepreneurial visionary,” has launched BrainyPlans™, a startup dedicated exclusively to selling business ideas to startups struggling with ideas of their own.
Ideasworth, sporting a suit lined with sticky notes, stood confidently before a press conference last Thursday. With a flair of mystery akin to a magician unveiling his greatest illusion, he announced, “What happens when you want to start a business but have no idea what to do? You come to us, and we tell you what your business should do!”
BrainyPlans™ claims to offer an array of ideas, ranging from “Uber for Hot Air Balloons” to “Instagram for Parrots,” covering industries that don’t even exist yet—but might, one day, once someone figures out what they actually are. The startup is strategically located in Silicon Valley and cleverly positioned next to a cluster of organic coffee shops where idea-challenged entrepreneurs are known to scroll endlessly through startup name generators, searching for inspiration over their sixth flat white.
“Why should brilliant minds waste precious caffeine-fueled hours brainstorming in cafes when they can just buy brilliance straight off the shelf?” Ideasworth opined, before suddenly whispering to a reporter, “I have an app idea for that, by the way.”
When pressed about the true value proposition of his company, Ideasworth replied with a level of enthusiasm usually reserved for unveiling a new iPhone model. “We’re selling more than just ideas; we’re selling potential futures! Each idea comes with a 10-year roadmap, suggesting what your company might look like, or even the shade of grey your CEO hair will transition to during periods of intense pivoting.”
Market analysts are intrigued, albeit puzzled, by the audacity of BrainyPlans™. Economist Dr. Penny Stocks was quoted as saying, “In today’s crowded marketplace, anything that reduces the number of tech incubators filled with rock-paper-scissors tournaments pretending to be brainstorming sessions has got to be worth its weight in venture capital.”
The startup has already secured a round of unexpected yet substantial funding. Investors are said to have been attracted by BrainyPlans™’ pitch deck, which included statements like “Why bother creating your own competition when you can buy it instead?” and “Monetize your lack of creativity!”
Not everyone is convinced, however. Critics argue that the best startup ideas come from pounding the pavement and learning from failure. In response, Ideasworth has his own spin: “Of course failure is important. That’s why we include an optional failure simulation experience with the deluxe package! Get all the lessons, none of the bankruptcy.”
As the brainchild of BrainyPlans™ continues to stir excitement and skepticism in equal parts, one must wonder whether this could become the new gold rush of low-risk entrepreneurship, or simply a clever ploy to capitalize on indecisive dreamers. Either way, it’s certainly an idea that’s now for sale.