In a groundbreaking move applauded by hardworking toddlers everywhere, the British Parliament has officially introduced mandatory naptime for all Members of Parliament (MPs) in a bid to boost productivity and reduce the number of mid-session grumbles, yawns, and vague daydreams involving Her Majesty’s Corgi racing.
The initiative, humorously dubbed “Snoozapower,” was first proposed by the Right Honorable Sir Napsalot Restwell, MP for Sleepyshire, after several MPs were caught dozing off during a particularly gripping debate on the benefits of reduced bureaucracy in paperclip procurement.
“We believe that a well-rested MP is a productive MP,” Sir Restwell enthusiastically explained during an interview, immediately followed by a 12-minute power nap to recharge. “By instituting a daily 30-minute naptime, we’re not just improving performance; we’re reducing the UK’s caffeine consumption, which should have a positive impact on climate change. It’s a win-win!”
The daily naptime will be strategically placed right after lunch when postprandial somnolence peaks, causing MPs to reminisce fondly of their school days. “It’s like bringing back the golden era of nursery school but with fewer tantrums over who gets to be the milk monitor,” Sir Restwell elaborated.
Critics, however, are skeptical. The Nap Party, led by neighboring MP, Count Bayou Snoozer, is concerned that such measures could lead to an increase in pillow smuggling, with unruly MPs trying to sneak cozy, personalized cushions into the Commons. “Standardization is key,” Count Snoozer declared while clutching an ergonomic pillow. “Otherwise, how will we prevent a nap-aristocracy?”
A new position, “Chief Comfort Officer,” has been established to oversee pillow distribution and background noise management. According to insiders, the current frontrunner for the position, Miss Velvet Repose, is promising ambient sounds ranging from gentle rain to soft parliamentary debates recorded at slower speeds—which some MPs have already memorized.
To test the new initiative, a pilot naptime session was held last week, with overwhelmingly positive results. The House of Commons reportedly had the lowest amount of incoherent shouting on record. Members awoke refreshed and ready to amend every bill in sight, though a few had peculiar dreams involving anonymous expenses claims and tribal drum circles.
British citizens have expressed mixed reactions to the naptime mandate. Some see it as a symbol of progress while others fear it could encourage a wave of sleep envy among the 9-to-5 crowd. In response, Sir Restwell suggests naptime be extended into other professions. “Imagine the productivity if everyone across the country synchronized their naps! The GDP might even rise in its sleep!”
As the nation adjusts to naptime politics, one thing is for sure: Parliament is hoping to usher in a new era where every decision is #RestAssured. As Sir Restwell deftly put it, “When in doubt, nap it out!” Though, rumor has it, the new parliamentary seal will feature an image of a softly snoring lion amongst papers—a true lion of the chamber having their much-deserved siesta.