In a groundbreaking study that has confounded dermatologists and hipsters alike, scientists have discovered that smearing avocado toast on one’s face can reduce wrinkles, increase collagen production, and inexplicably attract swarms of curious Millennials.
Dr. Felicity Gupta, the lead researcher from the Institute of Dubious Dermatology, revealed that the study began as a joke in the lab. “We were just trying to get Jake, our intern, to stop munching his daily avocado toast over our delicate samples. Someone jokingly suggested he rub it on his face instead, and voilà—the next morning, he looked ten years younger.”
Intrigued by these unexpected results, scientists conducted an intensive experiment over several months. The experiment, dubbed “Operation Guac-a-Clock,” involved over 200 participants who agreed to slather their faces with the green goo every morning while sipping oat milk lattes and reciting positive affirmations like “I am a powerful, pulsating avocado.”
According to Dr. Gupta, the results were astonishing: “The more expensive the avocado toast, the more potent the anti-aging effects. Organic, non-GMO, free-range avocados delivered particularly remarkable results, eliminating fine lines and opening new dimensions of self-awareness.” She paused to adjust her glasses, adding with a wink, “If you can sprinkle a few overpriced pumpkin seeds on top, you’ll open a portal to the fountain of youth.”
But the benefits don’t stop there. Participants reported an inexplicable gravitational pull towards the whimsical coffee shops and co-working spaces that pepper urban landscapes. Millennials, often spotted in the wild with Instagram-ready iPhones and an obsessive need for personalized latte art, found themselves inexplicably drawn to the dewy-faced individuals sporting their avant-garde avocado attire.
“We don’t quite understand why Millennials are attracted to avocado toast facials,” admitted sociologist Dr. Gary Froth. “It might be the smell of nostalgia or perhaps a subconscious desire for comfort in these uncertain times. Or maybe they just identify with the irony.”
Social media, naturally, has erupted with avocado-enthusiasts sharing their bedtime avocado routines with doula-like devotion. Influencers are posting time-lapse videos of their wrinkle vanishing transformations, while skeptics remain dubious, launching ‘Avocado-Truthing’ campaigns with hashtags like #SmashedHope.
Yet, dermatologists warn against using sun-dried tomatoes or rustic sourdough edging as exfoliation techniques, which were included in some DIY variations, citing minor issues like redness, irritation, and a sudden, overwhelming urge to quote Charles Dickens at brunch.
As we await more peer-reviewed studies on the long-term effects of this trend, beauty supply stores are forecasting a surge in avocado facial kits, complete with artisanal toast applicators and mocktail pairing suggestions. Meanwhile, local chefs have started fighting back, urging loyal patrons to return avocados to their rightful place on the brunch plate. However, if the trend continues, it’s only a matter of time before avocados are declared a national treasure.
So, whether you’re a believer or a skeptic, it’s clear that this guacamole renaissance is here to stay. As for the Millennials? They’re just glad to have another excuse to keep avocados in vogue—and on their faces.