Electric car owners are experiencing an unexpected identity crisis. The thrill of silently cruising through streets with a smug “I’m saving the planet” expression has slowly turned into a longing for nostalgia—the good old-fashioned vroom noises that once signified power and oomph.
According to a recent survey conducted by the fictional Institute of Automotive Acoustics (IAA), 78% of electric car owners admitted that they miss the auditory drama of a roaring engine. “It’s just not the same,” lamented Tesla owner Jane Quieton as she silently rolled up to our imaginary interview spot. “When I pull up at a traffic light, I want to feel like I’m at the starting line of a Formula 1 race, not waiting for the applause at a silent disco.”
The demand has given rise to an aftermarket surge in engine noise apps. The most popular one, “Rev-ify”, boasts a catalog ranging from “Purring Cat” to “Monster Truck Madness”. As Jane excitedly demonstrated her favorite setting, the app issued deep, throaty revving noises from her vehicle’s speakers, causing a cyclist nearby to startle and topple right into a suspiciously convenient large puddle. “See, power!” Jane exclaimed, beaming.
Not everyone is thrilled with the idea of faux engine sounds. Environmentalists, initially thrilled by the quietude of electric vehicles reducing noise pollution, are concerned that electronic vrooming might lead to side effects such as increased smugness emissions. The chairperson of the fictitious group “Quiet is the New Loud”, Wendy Mute, said, “If people wanted noise, they could just strap a hairdryer to their handlebars and call it a day. Let’s focus on saving the planet, not reviving ancient mating calls of Mustangs.”
Automotive manufacturers, however, see this as a chance to innovate and take the absurd to the next level. Rumors are swirling that companies are working on customizable “Vroom Packs” including options like “Lawnmower Symphony” and “Grumpy Grandpa’s Garage Band”. These packs aim to bring back the feeling of living life on the edge while waiting in line at the drive-thru.
In a true stroke of marketing genius, one carmaker is reportedly planning to introduce seasonal engine add-ons like “Jingle All The Way”, ensuring that ringtones weren’t the only way to make an ear-splitting holiday statement. Nothing says amazing gift idea like terrorizing your family with a car that screams “Joy to the World” every time you hit the brakes.
Whether this trend will rev up or stall remains unknown. Nevertheless, as people crave old-world charm in their high-tech toys, one thing is certain: soon the soundbar may replace the stereo as the elective of choice, letting every driver unleash their inner rev-head—or at least pretend they have one.