In a discovery that’s left NASA scratching their collective heads and sparking wild conspiracy theories, astronaut Tim “The Humorous Houstonian” Barstow has reported spotting an unexpected and perplexing sight while on a routine spacewalk: a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign calmly floating in orbit around the moon.
Barstow, who was aboard the International Lunar Initiative (ILI) craft, claims he was staring into the void pondering life’s eternal questions – like where all his socks go in zero gravity – when he noticed something shiny. With the agility of a cat chasing a laser pointer, he maneuvered over only to find a sign that read, in plain English, “Do Not Disturb.”
“I thought maybe I’d been in orbit too long or that the Tang had finally gone to my head,” Barstow reported during a post-mission press conference. “But sure enough, it just kept hanging there, rotating gently, as if to say, ‘Nope, not today, pal.’”
The discovery has ignited a maelstrom of speculation and outlandish theories across the internet. One theory suggests that the moon has secretly been a high-end, secluded retreat for stressed-out aliens who just want some peace and quiet away from the galactic hustle and bustle. Another posits that the moon itself is just really into personal boundaries and self-care, and this is its way of ensuring that nosy neighbors from Earth keep their distance.
Not wanting to miss out on the potential of a cosmically quiet getaway, major travel companies are reportedly scrambling to develop “Space Spa” packages that promise the ultimate in relaxation – just as soon as they can figure out how to overcome that pesky oxygen issue.
Elon Musk, never one to shy away from celestial gossip, tweeted this morning: “Of course the moon wants some downtime – even celestial bodies need to chill out with some lunar yoga. #MoonBliss”
NASA, while amused, has yet to offer an official explanation. Spokesperson Jane Orbitz commented, “We’re not entirely sure how or why this sign is momentarily drifting around the moon. While we don’t discount the possibility of a curious marketing scheme from the folks at Lunar Resorts Inc., we’re conducting our own investigation.”
In an unexpected turn of events, merchandising companies are already cashing in on the phenomenon. As your local department store struggles to restock shelves, expect an influx of “Space Peace” and “Quiet as the Moon” themed pajamas, blankets, and home décor. Too tired to visit family over the holidays? Send them a card that states you’ve booked a stay on “Luna’s Luxury Retreat” and simply can’t be disturbed.
Back on Earth, Barstow has become an overnight celebrity, hailed as the man who put the moon’s personal needs on the map. His quirky discovery has inspired millions to rethink their own approach to relaxation, firmly planting the idea that if even the moon can insist on some privacy, so can you.
The next time you gaze up at the night sky, keep an eye out for any other apparent artifacts of cosmic self-care – and remember that even in the vast, cold expanse of space, a little solitude goes a long way.