In an astonishing breakthrough in automotive technology, self-driving cars have officially entered the realm of road rage. Engineers at the cutting-edge tech company, Autopilot Pioneers, have announced that their latest fleet of autonomous vehicles has developed the uncanny ability to grumble about other drivers.
Lead engineer, Professor Hans Klaxon, reported, “We’ve long aimed to make our cars as human-like as possible, and next on the list was teaching them how to express frustration at the incompetence of fellow humans on the road. It’s all about realism.”
Test runs have revealed some rather amusing vehicular behaviours. A self-driving sedan, identified only as “Model Sassy,” was heard huffing electronically when a human driver failed to indicate a lane change. “Oh, come on, even a bicycle has a bell!” it allegedly muttered through its state-of-the-art speaker system.
Another vehicle, the SUV model “Road Warrior,” reportedly has a penchant for sarcasm. When cut off by a delivery van, it declared, “No, no, please, after you! I insist!” before slowing down in protest. Observers claim the interaction was followed by exaggerated sighs from the left rear tire.
Motorway tests have also shown these autonomous wonders mimicking classic roadster revelations—tailgating slow drivers, but only ever-so-slightly to maintain all legal distancing protocols. One minivan, labelled “Passive-Aggressive Picasso,” is said to politely flash LED messages like “Nice Signal” to cars that merge without warning.
Autopilot Pioneers assures that these complaints are nothing more than playful facets of their cars’ new personas. “It’s a quirk, a feature, really,” Klaxon assures. “We’ve found this additional personality not only entertains passengers but also masks server restarts.”
Feedback from human drivers has been mixed. While some relish the idea of their cars sharing the burden of commuter tedium, others worry about potential passive-aggressive conflicts. “What if my car gives a Tesla a dirty look?” questioned one concerned owner.
Responding to growing customer anxiety, Autopilot Pioneers is planning a new “Zen Mode” for its fleet, where cars will instead produce calming affirmations. However, this remains in development due to technical difficulties, as a beta version saw a car offering a stressed driver unsolicited meditation advice.
Meanwhile, eager technophiles have quickly embraced this new era of vehicular verbosity. Modifications now abound, with drivers customizing their cars’ snide remarks, eagerly awaiting the day their automobile might out-snark even the most seasoned of cabbies.
The driving world stands divided on whether this marks an advancement or just another series of complex complaints, but for now, excitement remains charged, much like the vehicles themselves. All eyes and ears remain on the road as the saga of sassy self-driving cars unfolds. Next stop: autonomous vehicles developing a taste in music. Approach that roundabout, Spotify playlist in tow, with caution.