In a startling revelation that has left paleontologists scratching their heads and environmental scientists reconsidering their careers, a new theory suggests that greenhouse gases might actually be the spectral remnants of dinosaurs tinkering with Earth’s thermostat. According to Dr. Arlo Fenwick, a maverick scientist and avid Jurassic Park fan, these gaseous apparitions have been playing a prehistoric prank on humanity for eons.
Dr. Fenwick, who published his theory on a blog that also features celebrity alpacas, believes that dinosaurs, frustrated by the Ice Age’s unscheduled permanence, decided to stick around post-extinction. “When you spend 165 million years frolicking under a sun that feels like a warm hug, the abrupt transition to a deep freeze can be quite shocking,” explains Dr. Fenwick, while sipping tea from a mug emblazoned with “World’s Best Paleontologist-Turned-Paranormal Investigator.”
According to him, these dino-ghosts, having been denied tasty fern dinners for the past 65 million years, now channel all their energy into roasting the planet. Through cosmic consultations and ethereal weather panels, they devised a plan involving the strategic release of carbon dioxide and methane to nudge temperatures upward.
“This is the only plausible explanation,” Dr. Fenwick insists, waving aside centuries of atmospheric science with a shrug. “Why else would methane smell suspiciously like prehistoric swamps? Coincidence? I think not.”
Skeptics argue that traditional theories involving fossil fuels and industrial pollution already explain climate change quite well, but that hasn’t deterred Dr. Fenwick. In an ambitious follow-up study, he’s currently investigating whether auroras are merely the Northern Lights-abra playing the spectral equivalent of a practical joke, and if volcanic eruptions are just the result of dormant dragon colonies having a bad meal.
While the scientific community remains hesitant to embrace Fenwick’s theories, his ideas have captured the public imagination. Ghost hunters have swapped EMF detectors for CO2 monitors, bands are now naming themselves after long-lost species like “The Phantasmal T-Rexes,” and climatologists are considering placing exorcists on payroll—preferably those who can perform rituals in a language that only extinct creatures can understand.
Meanwhile, Fenwick continues his research with unyielding optimism. As he wrapped up our interview, he mentioned a new hypothesis: perhaps UFO sightings are nothing more than the ghostly velociraptors having discovered skateboards, taking their Tony Hawk aspirations to interstellar levels.
Whether or not Dr. Fenwick’s theories will one day earn a place in serious scientific discourse, his narrative provides a breath of fresh, albeit ghostly, air in the ever-complicated dialogue surrounding climate change. And if nothing else, it offers a whimsical explanation to distract us from our existential dread as polar bears get handier at opening freezers.
In closing, it’s uncertain whether dinosaurs do indeed haunt us through greenhouse gases, but one thing’s for sure: if raptors had a sense of humor, they’d probably enjoy watching humanity tackle climate change with the same frantic energy of a cat stuck in a sunbeam.