In an unprecedented turn of events, a coalition of extraterrestrial beings—self-styled as the “Galactic Naming Committee” (GNC)—has officially submitted a petition to NASA. The petition is nothing short of cosmic creativity, proposing a renaming project for Pluto that they promise will be “the universe’s ultimate rebrand stunt.”
Leading the charge is Zoglock-32 from the Andromeda Galaxy, spokesperson for the GNC, who delivered the petition via interstellar email—and by interstellar email, we mean a note scribbled in plutonium-based ink attached to a pulsar in a bottle that crash-landed in NASA’s backyard. Zoglock-32 claims that Pluto, demoted from its planet status in 2006, is in dire need of an image overhaul. “It’s unacceptable,” said Zoglock-32 in an exclusive interview conducted over an encrypted Zoom call. “Pluto deserves a name that reflects its pizazz, one that captures the razzmatazz of the Kuiper Belt.”
The GNC has proposed several new names, each more dazzling than the last. Among the top contenders is “Snowball Supreme,” a name aimed to capture the icy magnificence of the dwarf planet. Other participants in the naming brainstorm included “Frostbite Gala” and “Ice-Cube Royale.” Rumor has it that despite his alien origins, Zoglock-32 is a big fan of Earth-based food trucks and artisan cocktail bars, an aesthetic that clearly influenced the choices.
When asked about the reasoning behind this celestial makeover, Zoglock-32 explained, “We view the universe as an ever-expanding theater. Each world should be a stunning character with a name to match! Plus, it’s about interstellar equity. Jupiter is like, the Quicksilver of planet names, right? Pluto deserves an upgrade. Mid-tier names just won’t cut it in this galactic age.”
NASA has yet to officially respond to the proposition, with the agency’s spokesperson stating, “We haven’t had an alien outreach like this since Marvin the Martian tried to negotiate using the Hubble as a lens for Venus flytraps on Mars.” However, insiders suggest that some NASA officials are intrigued by the idea, if only for the free intergalactic publicity. After all, space missions hardly ever get trending hashtags unless they involve Tony Stark.
Astrologists have had mixed reactions, too. While some see this as a cosmic opportunity to get people to stop associating Pluto with feelings of emotional ice age, others are concerned about the implications for astrology memes. “What will Scorpio risings do if Snowball Supreme enters retrograde? Please explain,” fretted Blattaria Premium, influencer at large on AstroGram.
Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are already frantically updating their YouTube channels, with videos about reptilian aliens using this name change to covertly exert control over earthly governments. They’ve even suggested that the real motivation is part of a larger strategy to get free HBO now that the streaming service is axing shows left and right.
Whatever NASA decides, the space-loving public waits in bated—and starlit—breath. Will Pluto transform into a glittery, intergalactic sensation, sparking joy not only in lonely astronomic nerds but also in the hearts of extraterrestrial market strategists everywhere? Only the next rocket launch might tell. Until then, we’re cautiously optimistic—and updating our intergalactic GPS units just in case.