In a cosmic mix-up that has left space agencies scratching their helmets, the Moon has reportedly applied for permanent Earth residency after missing the departure of its scheduled spaceship back to the lunar base. Sources close to the craters reveal the Moon’s unexpected motive: a desperate craving for better Wi-Fi.
The incident occurred last Friday, when the Moon was supposed to board the Lunar Express shuttle for its quarterly orbit check-in. However, witnesses say the Moon was seen lingering near a popular Earth-based coffee shop, engrossed in a lengthy video call with the stars, before abruptly realizing it had overslept.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said astronaut Neil DeLite, who was prepping the shuttle. “One minute the Moon was chilling on schedule, the next it’s frantically packing space snacks and begging for a late departure. Unfortunately, interstellar transport is rarely flexible.”
Officials reveal that the Moon’s application for Earth residency includes a lengthy essay on the superiority of terrestrial internet. “My current orbital broadband has severe latency issues,” the Moon allegedly wrote. “Streaming meteor showers buffers. Also, Earth cafés have way better latte art and the gravitational pull here is more conducive to comfortable lounging.”
The United Nations’ Outer Space Residency Committee is reportedly baffled by the application. “[The Moon] has never applied for residency anywhere before,” said Chairperson Luna Shore. “But we must admit, the Wi-Fi excuse is novel and… surprisingly relatable.”
Meanwhile, Earth residents have expressed mixed feelings. Some welcome the Moon’s potential new status, hoping it might boost tourist numbers and free Wi-Fi spots. Others worry about the logistical challenges of accommodating a celestial body roughly 1/6th the size of Earth without compromising local real estate.
In a statement to MadeUp News, the Moon hinted it might reconsider if a faster spaceship becomes available, but until then, looks forward to binge-watching space dramas and exploring Earth’s quirky human inventions.
Space watchers and Wi-Fi providers alike will be following this story closely, as the debate over cosmic residency gets a surprisingly down-to-Earth twist.