In a move that has left the community both bewildered and slightly amused, the trees of Oakwood Park have collectively formed a union and issued a formal demand for a pay raise. The grievances? Decades of producing oxygen without any monetary compensation.
The leafy protesters, who have taken to adorning themselves with handmade signs and chanting “Leaves need leaves,” say they are tired of being taken for granted. “We’ve been quietly photosynthesizing away, balancing the ecosystem, and providing fresh air for years,” said an especially vocal oak tree, who introduced himself as Sir Barkley. “It’s time that our economic contributions are recognized.”
The trees’ demands include a modest increase in sunlight hours—what they’re calling “solar bonuses”—better soil quality, and of course, some form of green currency. “Maybe bark bonds or leafy shares,” suggested Sir Barkley, his branches gesturing emphatically. “We’re open to negotiations.”
Local residents have responded with mixed feelings. Jogger Martha Jenkins said, “I always thought oxygen was just… free. But if they want a raise, maybe I’ll start paying for it with my morning coffee.”
City officials have yet to respond formally but were spotted holding an emergency meeting under the shade of a particularly tall maple, apparently to discuss how to handle this unexpected labor dispute. Meanwhile, nearby squirrels have pledged to mediate, promising to “leaf no stone unturned” in the pursuit of a peaceful resolution.
As the standoff continues, environmental experts warn that ignoring the trees’ demands might lead to a significant drop in oxygen levels, or worse, more dramatic protests involving falling branches and noisy rustling that could disrupt local napping sessions.
When asked what would happen if negotiations fail, Sir Barkley shrugged (or at least, his branches did) and said, “We might just go on a leaf strike. No photosynthesis, no oxygen. It’s a tough choice, but someone’s got to stand up and be counted.”
Stay tuned as this story develops — the air might just get a little thinner.