In what is fast becoming the most baffling support ticket of the decade, a local helpdesk was left utterly overwhelmed after receiving a frantic call from a man complaining that his soda was “just not fizzy enough.” The caller, who identified himself only as Dave, insisted he needed immediate technical support to fix the carbonation problem in his flat soda.
The IT helpdesk, accustomed to handling everything from password resets to software crashes, found themselves completely unprepared for a request that fell so squarely outside their usual remit. Dave explained at length that his soda had been purchased just the day before but had since lost all its “zip,” leaving him feeling “bamboozled and betrayed by modern beverage technology.”
When the technician gently asked if this was a hardware or software issue, Dave clarified that the problem was “definitely a hardware thing,” describing the soda bottle as “a faulty propulsion system” for bubbles. Attempts to explain that their expertise was limited to computers, printers, and networks seemed to fuel Dave’s desperation, with him pleading, “Can’t someone just reboot the carbonation? Maybe a firmware update?”
The call lasted over 40 minutes, during which time the technician offered increasingly creative suggestions, including shaking the bottle, chilling it properly, or simply buying a fresh one. Each was met with new layers of confusion and disbelief from Dave, who seemed unable to grasp that soda fizzing wasn’t something that could be “fixed remotely” or “patched.”
Eventually, one of the more pragmatic helpdesk staff tactfully suggested calling the soda manufacturer’s customer service, which Dave promised to do – but only if they had a dedicated “Fizz Support Team.” After the call ended, the helpdesk manager reportedly considered drafting a new policy to route any future soda-related concerns directly to beverage companies.
In the words of the tech support team member who endured the ordeal, “I just want to know what kind of software soda companies are running these days. Maybe they need an update too.”
The incident has since become a running joke among the helpdesk staff, with some even speculating if they should start stocking cans of air to “inject some life back into dead sodas.” Meanwhile, Dave remains undeterred, vowing to “keep fighting for fizzy justice” one bubble at a time.