Gary Thompson wasn’t having a typical Tuesday morning when he suddenly found himself firing off an urgent helpdesk ticket to his local environmental support service. The subject line read: “My houseplant is secretly contributing to climate change – please advise immediately.”
It all started when Gary’s beloved fern, affectionately named Frondsby, began acting a little out of sorts. After noticing a suspiciously large carbon footprint sticker stuck to the pot (which, on closer inspection, turned out to be a grimly serious bot-generated alert on his smart home app), Gary decided to investigate further. The app insisted that Frondsby was emitting an alarming level of methane—enough to rival a small cow.
In his helpdesk ticket, Gary recounted his discovery with typical British understatement: “Good morning team, I have reason to believe that my innocent-looking houseplant, Frondsby, is secretly contributing to global warming, and I’m not sure what protocol to follow. Should I repot it in a new soil blend? Is it time to consider plant therapy? Or do I just duct tape the windows to keep the methane from escaping?”
The environmental helpdesk, no stranger to unusual queries, responded with a detailed but sympathetic message. They explained, “While most houseplants are actually beneficial to your indoor air quality, certain rare ferns have been identified in pilot studies as minor contributors to methane emissions under very specific conditions, such as unusual overwatering combined with extreme optimism about their growth.”
Gary’s follow-up questions included requests for a refund on the “climate-friendly” plant pot he bought online and whether replacing Frondsby with a cactus would reduce his carbon anxiety. The helpdesk gently reminded him that cacti, while low-maintenance, might not spark quite as much joy.
In the end, after a quick video call with a plant specialist, Gary was advised to reduce watering, increase sunlight exposure, and maybe forgive Frondsby for his “methane mischief.” As a consolation, the support team included a voucher for a free, carbon-neutral zucchino seedling.
Gary closed the ticket with the comment: “Thanks for helping me save the planet one fern at a time. Next time, I’m checking the greenhouse gases before bringing any more foliage into the house.”
Meanwhile, Frondsby continues to sit proudly by the window, blissfully unaware of the chaos he has caused, but with a little less water and a big responsibility resting on his leafy shoulders.