In a twist of intergalactic real estate ambitions that no one saw coming, an extraterrestrial delegation has officially joined the Flat Earth Society. The move has sparked a cosmic controversy and widespread amusement, confirming once again that truth is indeed stranger than fiction—especially when aliens are involved.

The news broke when Zorgnak The Speculator, interplanetary tycoon and self-proclaimed “Martian Mogul,” touched down on Earth in a ship modeled suspiciously after a disco ball. Zorgnak, whose illustrious career began in minor asteroid flips, expressed unequivocal delight about the real estate opportunities to be had on a geometrically-challenged planet.

“Earthlings have done a fantastic job by keeping the property costs down,” Zorgnak remarked while wearing a tinfoil hat and a Hawaiian shirt, “and the flat surface provides ample space. Think of the penthouses we can build! I mean, who wouldn’t want a bungalow with an edge-of-the-world view?”

Many flat Earthers welcomed their new interstellar members with open arms, or at least as open as one can get while clutching maps that defy accepted notions of cartography. A hastily organized welcoming committee threw an event in the Society’s underground lair, serving guests cocktails with absurdly long straws to remind everyone of earth’s ‘curvature conspiracy.’

The Earthly community isn’t the only one with raised eyebrows; distant cosmic neighbors have reportedly held ‘watch parties’ to discuss these events. “The Andromedans think we’re nuts,” Zorgnak confessed in between sips of Earth’s premium paradoxical wine, “but then again, they still think Pluto’s a planet. Who’s really lacking perspective here?”

Zorgnak’s ambitions don’t stop with merely extending the universe’s real estate market into heliocentric skepticism. During his inaugural press conference, the alien visionary outlined plans to create the universe’s first “Multi-dimensional Condo Development.” Rumor has it that units will feature zero-gravity yoga rooms, space-time distorting balconies, and jetpack parking zones.

However, it hasn’t all been smooth star-sailing. A faction of the Flat Earth Society’s board of directors staged a protest against the alien presence, citing concerns that Zorgnak might steal some of their more conceptual theories to sell elsewhere in the cosmos. “First they take our flatness, next they’ll take our ideas about the moon being a hungry hungry hippo,” protested Marjorie, a longtime Flat Earth Society member known for her foil shoe collection.

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists of all stripes were quick to add this event to their ever-expanding databases. An unnamed expert from the International Circle of Conspiracies commented that Zorgnak’s flashy arrival was clearly part of a government plot to distract from something bigger—probably involving cheese.

And thus, in a universe already full of strange wonders and weird realities, a new chapter has been penned. Whether transformative or tongue-in-cheek, this celestial partnership has definitely added a new layer to the cosmic comedy that is the human-alien experience.

Tune in next week to see if Zorgnak has any luck convincing Flat Earthers that their planet is also square.

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