In a groundbreaking move designed to address the nation’s soaring stress levels, electric car manufacturers have announced a new initiative: complimentary Charging Station Anxiety Counseling with every vehicle purchase. The news comes after a recent survey revealed that over 75% of electric vehicle (EV) owners experience mild to severe anxiety when trying to locate a charging station, a phenomenon now dubbed “Charger’s Remorse.”
The visionary program, which enters into effect next month, aims to tackle the growing mental health crisis brought on by range anxiety and charging-related distress. EV drivers will now have access to a team of trained Charging Station Therapists (CSTs) who specialize in soothing the frayed nerves of anxious motorists through a variety of therapeutic techniques, including guided meditation and emergency chocolate reserves.
“Imagine you’re driving your shiny new EV through the picturesque countryside, feeling like the king or queen of sustainability,” explains leading CST, Dr. Zoey Watts. “Suddenly, you realize your battery is akin to your iPhone after a three-hour Instagram binge—nearly dead. Panic sets in. A friendly voice on the other end of the Charging Station Anxiety Counseling hotline will talk you through your options, or at the very least, remind you how to breathe.”
One revolutionary aspect of this initiative is the “Recharging on the Run” app, an AI-driven assistant designed to ensure you’re never more than six feet away from a helpful, if not slightly bewildered, sheep that can push your car to the nearest charging point—albeit slowly. The app even includes a feature to minimize anxiety by playing calming whale sounds and softly whispering, “The Earth comes first, and so do you” at random intervals.
The decision has been met with widespread approval, particularly from city dwellers who have been used to the comforting yet slightly terrifying hum of petrol stations on nearly every corner. “I’ve been looking for a place to plug in my electric SUV that’s closer than my grandma’s house in the next county,” shared Chloe, a frustrated EV owner. “Now, knowing there’s a support group for that moment when the nearest charging station is occupied? It’s an actual game-changer. Also, who doesn’t love free chocolate?”
Automakers are hopeful that extending this service will encourage more drivers to make the switch to electric, vowing to even out the playing field by ensuring equal employment opportunities for all species of therapeutic farm animals.
Meanwhile, Tesla founder Elon Musk has reportedly announced plans to roll out a Mars-bound EV model that includes an intergalactic Starman Support Group for those worried about finding a charging station en route to Mars. When contacted for comment, a representative from SpaceX offered no official statement but did reassuringly wink at the sky.
In the fluctuating landscape of eco-friendly travel, one thing is becoming exceedingly clear: When it comes to electric vehicles, the industry is firmly plugged into the need for comprehensive, chocolate-infused mental health support. And now, so are you.