In a groundbreaking move that has both athletes and couch potatoes buzzing, the International Committee for Leisurely Sports (ICLS) announced changes to the infamous Sloth City Marathon. Known for its casual pace and scenic routes, the event has gained a cult following among those who enjoy blending physical activity with extra-curricular lounging.
The new regulation, introduced last Tuesday over a lavish breakfast spread, mandates a thirty-minute nap break at the 15-mile mark. The decision, officials claim, ensures participants are “well-rested and ready to tackle the second leg of the marathon with the vigor of a particularly determined garden snail.”
Sloth City Mayor, Dillard Mistletoe, expressed his enthusiasm at a recent press conference, chucking a pillow at an enthused reporter. “Everyone knows our marathon isn’t about breaking records but breaking habits. We’re fostering a more sustainable running culture—one where finish times are measured in episodes of your favorite TV series or chapters of a gripping novel.”
Participants in the upcoming marathon have embraced the changes with open arms. Or, more accurately, open blankets. “I’ve even started shopping for a new sleeping bag liner,” said Nancy Weeble, a nine-time participant whose idea of training includes carrying her couch to different parts of the house.
Triathlete-turned-marathoner, Gary “The Tortoise” Goldsworth, has become a spokesperson for the event, advocating the benefits of strategic snoozing. “Think of it as a siesta with sneakers. Some dream of running marathons. We marathon through naps. It’s refreshingly recharging; plus, I get to meditate on my race strategy, which is mainly survival.”
The event organizers are going all out in preparation for nappers. In addition to gently sloping hammocks and invitingly soft lounge chairs, participants will be treated to lullabye karaoke sessions and complimentary mugs of warm milk.
Not everyone is thrilled about the change. Mike Sprintson, a disgruntled sprinter who accidentally registered for the marathon last year, is highly unimpressed. “I tried to convince my fellow runners that speed is essential. They countered with, ‘Coffee or tea for breakfast?’ In the end, I barely made it out before breakfast rolled into brunch.”
The alterations have sparked interest globally, with talks that the Slow & Steady Movement might extend into other athletic events. Ping-pong with scheduled tea breaks and televised chess with mandatory biscuit and banter intermissions are rumored to be on the horizon.
The Sloth City Marathon, with its newest feature, hopes to embody the essence of relaxing athleticism, mixing ambition with a laidback approach to leisure. As runners finalize their pajama-themed race kits and the town pre-orders metric tonnes of chamomile tea, one thing is sure: this year’s marathon promises to be a snooze-fest of epic proportions.