In an unprecedented turn of events, a notorious group of hackers known only as “The CryptoComedians” have sent ripples of panic through the corporate world by successfully phishing passwords from the most influential executives of Fortune 500 companies. Their ransom demand? A staggering pile of NFTs—specifically, all the Bored Ape Yacht Club NFTs these seamless sultans of Wall Street can lay their hands on.
“It was genius, really,” admitted one anonymous insider who refused to divulge how he knew so much about the Comedy of Errors these hackers orchestrated. “They didn’t ask for cash or Bitcoin. Hell, they didn’t even ask for the CEO’s firstborn child. They wanted digital apes in human clothing!”
The boardrooms of some of the world’s largest companies are now filled with the sound of furrowed brows and fervent Googling as these bewildered top-brass attempt to understand what these elusive NFTs actually are before putting fingers on the buy button. For many CEOs, this marks their first foray into the mystical world of blockchain art.
Sources close to the matter report that several executives attempted to trade board seats for the necessary crypto funds. “There’s a whole new meaning to ‘a seat at the table,'” chuckled one insider from a safe distance.
“I was just getting used to the idea of ‘turning ship’ in virtual meetings,” lamented the CEO of Multinational Megacorp Inc., whose company prides itself on innovation but has struggled to adapt since flip phones went out of style. “Now I’m expected to understand digital images of punk rock monkeys? This feels like the ultimate test of adaptability.”
The CryptoComedians, when contacted for a comment through the encrypted messaging app ‘WhatsAppirite?!,’ responded only with a morse code sequence that reportedly translated to, “Good luck explaining this to your shareholders.”
Meanwhile, social media platforms were abuzz with jokes, memes, and the inevitable, “This is fine,” images featuring CEOs depicted as their very own Bored Apes still trying to work out how this “Internets” thing works.
In an unexpected twist, the stock price of Bored & Bananas Inc., the company behind the Bored Ape NFTs, skyrocketed overnight. Experts predict the blockchain art market is expected to see an unprecedented boom as confused executives frantically race to meet the hackers’ demands before Monday morning.
As we await the next move, one thing is clear: those seniors who were initially confused by the concept of tech wallets, NFT marketplaces, and blockchain security, now realize they have at least one thing in common with the innovative rebels who “move fast and break things.”
They’re all equally clueless.
The great gig-economy of cyber-ransom claims another victim, making this the most noteworthy comedic relief since Silicon Valley first discovered that avocados are in fact not a viable replacement for venture capital.