In a groundbreaking move that has left political analysts bewildered and teenagers thoroughly amused, the Prime Minister announced her latest political strategy in an impromptu press conference held over Zoom. Following a week-long retreat in a location rumoured to be her nephew’s basement, the nation’s leader declared that the governance of the country is to be transferred to a WhatsApp group chat, effective immediately.
The Prime Minister confidently informed reporters, “We’ve discovered that traditional politics is, frankly, dull and outdated. Policy discussions will now be conducted solely through group chat where we can use emojis to expedite decision-making processes. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, and quite honestly, I’m tired of reading lengthy reports.”
To facilitate this transition, Parliament has been renamed “ParliaMeme,” and a team of professional memeologists has been hired to convert complex legislative proposals into single, digestible gifs.
When asked about the practical implications of this radical shift, the Prime Minister clarified, “We’ve already conducted a successful trial run. For instance, during our debate on national security, a simple thumbs-up emoji indicated widespread approval of the new defense budget, while the monkey covering its eyes was particularly effective in summarizing our collective thoughts on the latest economic forecasts.”
Critics have been quick to express concern over the potential oversimplification of critical issues. However, the Minister of Emoji Affairs, whose keynote sketch speech on emoji literacy was met with a standing ovation of clapping hand emojis, assured the public that there are more than enough expressions to handle every political scenario. “From climate change 🌍🔥 to healthcare ❤️+💉, there’s an emoji sequence for every crisis,” she insisted.
In a bid to engage more with younger generations and harness the skills of the country’s most digitally savvy citizens, the opposition is rumored to be rolling out their own competitor chat system called “SnapPolicies,” where every governmental decision disappears after 30 seconds.
Political insiders have also revealed early drafts of the Emoji-Constitution, a new founding document redesigned in entirely pictorial text that will be printed on a scroll of leftover promotional toilet paper from last year’s Commonwealth roll-off campaign.
“Some might call this approach revolutionary,” the Prime Minister concluded with a winky face emoji. “But this is simply the next logical step in modern democratic engagement. Also, someone please send snacks 🚀🍕.”