In an electrifying move that has brewed excitement among caffeine enthusiasts, car manufacturers have announced their latest innovation: electric cars now come equipped with built-in coffee makers. This jolt of creativity comes as engineers try to tackle the age-old paradox—electric cars are so quiet that they risk lulling drivers into a serene slumber.
The revelation was met with a mixture of surprise and jittery excitement at the annual Auto Ambassadors Conference. Spokesperson Joe Cappuccino commented, “We’ve solved two problems at once: driver drowsiness and the worldwide shortage of cup holders.” Forget about fuel efficiency; it’s all about fuelled-on-efficiency now.
Many electric car users had started building personal relationships with local baristas due to the inconvenient stops needed for a cup of joe. Realizing people were tired from lack of caffeine, not the open road, engineers embarked on this groundbreaking quest. After a few hiccups involving mistaken attempts to install espresso machines in the glove compartment, they’ve finally ground to the perfect solution.
The in-car coffee maker takes inspiration from famed devices like automated lattes and the occasionally fizzing Keurig. “We wanted something that could manage bumpy rides and wild spillages,” explained Car BrewTopia’s lead engineer, Macchiato O’Mocha. “This way, all drivers need to focus on is the road ahead and whether they want skim or full-fat milk.”
Critics have expressed concerns over potential distractions caused by the gurgling device, but companies assure the public with the slogan “Keep your eyes on the road, and your mind on the grind!” The coffee machines are voice-activated, using phrases like “I need a pick-me-up” or “Initiate bean boost,” ensuring hands remain on the wheel and eyes remain caffeinatedly bright.
An unexpected advantage, according to psychologists, is that drivers have started naming their car-borne brewers, leading to an increase in positive mental health trends. “Instead of road rage, we’re seeing Road Roast satisfaction,” says Dr. Latte Lovejoy of the University of Hazelnut Heights.
The coffee cars are available in various flavors: Cappuccino Corvettes, Espresso E-Class, Latte Levitates, and even a Macchiato Model T. Beneficiaries of the new feature receive a starter kit with organic beans, a mini milk frother, and a freshly roasted user manual with ‘grind’ inspirational quotes on every page.
In future iterations, these buzzing beverage beasties hope to include croissant and brioche dispensers, so drivers can go from coffee to continental breakfast quicker than they can say “espresso”. For now, the focus remains on keeping electric vehicle drivers as alert as they are battery-charged.
Naysayers continue to grumble about coffee stains and the dreaded java jolt spilling during a high-velocity jaunt, but customers remain overpouringly positive. One ecstatic patron quipped, “Now I’m never alone. My electric car won’t just sip petrol—it sips my morning espresso alongside me!”
As the world zooms into this new era of motoring, we advise future patrons to beware of one critical hazard: the coffee buzz double-edged sword. While it can keep you awake, never underestimate the power of an overly-enthusiastic espresso shot or the effects of humming Beethoven’s Fifth in a caffeine-induced frenzy. It’s the perfect way to find yourself at a roundabout, indefinitely puzzled but highly awake.