MADE UP NEWS https://validator.w3.org/feed/docs/rss2.html UK’s last remaining recycling bin celebrates two years without contamination incident UK Government Announces New ‘Right to Disconnect’ Law Will Be Enforced by Literally Disconnecting You Britain’s new £8.50 meal deal tax bracket confirmed as ONS reclassifies anyone buying premium sandwiches as ‘high earner’ Sunak confirms he’s been working three jobs simultaneously since 2022 and nobody noticed British worker who checked email on holiday now legally considered to have never left office British Astronaut Tim Peake Confirms He’d Quite Like to Go Back Up Actually, If Anyone’s Asking UK’s New Hydrogen-Powered Buses Achieve Remarkable 12-Metre Journey Before Requiring Infrastructure That Doesn’t Exist British worker discovers they’ve been attending meetings that could have been emails for 847 consecutive days Sunak confirms he’s ‘absolutely loving’ not having to pretend to care about Reform UK voters anymore UK’s Last Wetherspoons Curry Club Members Granted Protected Heritage Status by English Heritage Man Who Leaves Engine Running on School Run Excited to Finally Do His Bit by Switching to Bamboo Toilet Paper Gamer who spent £400 on replica Master Sword admits he just uses it to point at the TV when arguing with VAR decisions Britain’s rewilded beavers formally request relocation to Scotland after accidentally visiting Slough British Scientists Confirm Nation’s Hedgehogs Now Too Anxious to Hibernate Properly Due to Doorbell Cameras Sony announces PlayStation 6 will be backwards compatible with your childhood sense of wonder Man Who Spent £4,000 on Smart Home Devices Now Trapped in Bathroom After Wi-Fi Outage Man Who Spent £800 on Smart Home Devices Now Spends 3 Hours Weekly Rebooting Router UK’s Last Remaining Petrol Station Applies for Heritage Site Status Man Who Spent £847 on Collagen Supplements Still Looks Like He’s Been Stored in Tupperware Since 2003 Manchester firm’s entire cybersecurity budget spent on posters reminding staff not to click suspicious links British seagulls demand union recognition after 18-month dispute over chip access rights Nation’s SUV drivers promise to offset carbon footprint by feeling quite guilty about it Nation’s recycling bins to be replaced with ‘aspiration repositories’ where plastic goes to feel valued Scientists Confirm Most Expensive Particle Collider Ever Built Still Just Smashing Things Together to See What Happens Nation’s carbon offsetting schemes now just blokes planting Japanese knotweed in lay-bys Man who flies to three stag dos a year wondering why his recycling bin is full Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Manually Pressing Button to Ask Permission to Turn On Own Kettle Britain’s First Astronaut to Mars Spends Entire Journey Apologising to ESA Controller for Taking Up Space Cookie Policy Britain’s hedgehogs demand flexible working arrangements after discovering they’re more productive at dawn Starmer confirms he’s perfectly happy to wait until 2029 to have any actual policies British Gas announces new ‘standing charge for not being a standing charge’ to appear on April bills Middle-class man’s dinner party ruined after guests correctly identify his Aldi Specially Selected range Man Who Spent £1,200 on Smart Home Devices Now Spends 40 Minutes Daily Troubleshooting Why Lights Won’t Turn On Man who spent £47 on ingredients to make falafel at home could have bought 94 falafel wraps from that place near work About us NHS to prescribe ‘touching grass’ as treatment for gamers who’ve pre-ordered GTA VI three times on different platforms Wetherspoons to Launch ‘Premium Dining Experience’ with Plates Costing More Than £3.99 Man Who Spent £80k on Electric Range Rover Discovers He Now Has to Plan His Life Around Its Charging Schedule Man Who Spent £89 on Premium Charging Cable Still Charging Phone Overnight Like a Peasant Tim Peake Confirms He Still Gets Asked About That Wrong Number Text, Even in Space Mission Briefings Quantum Computer Solves Impossibly Complex Problem, Unfortunately It Was ‘What Should I Have for Lunch’ Woman Who Spent £340 on Skincare Routine Discovers Water Also Free Man who bought £4.20 meal deal now Britain’s foremost expert on inflation British wildlife formally requests transfer to EU after discovering post-Brexit habitat regulations ‘too vague to bother with’ Man who installed heat pump spends more time explaining heat pump than heat pump has spent heating house MP who spent £127,000 on second home ‘couldn’t possibly be expected to commute’ from 43 miles away IT department celebrates sixth consecutive month without single person clicking phishing link by accident Starmer announces new ministerial position to explain what previous ministerial positions actually do IT security team forced to explain what a password is for eighth consecutive Monday